


A Step by Step Guide to Babysitting the Pines

by TheLalondesAreQueens



Category: Gravity Falls, Over the Garden Wall (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, I have no idea where I'm going with this, everything from the ratings to the tags may change, minor gore I guess, pretty much everything taking place after NWHS is gonna be AU, the whole "grunkle4grandpa" thing is making tagging hard, this isn't gonna be all fluff, yea
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-29
Updated: 2015-07-05
Packaged: 2018-04-06 20:18:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4235211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLalondesAreQueens/pseuds/TheLalondesAreQueens
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Between the gravity anomalies, the portal opening, and his brother leaving him yet again, Stan was reminded of just how dangerous Gravity Falls really is and he decides that Dipper and Mabel need to be under constant watch. He also decides that the best way to keep them under watch is to hire a babysitter. Enter Wirt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm pretty much making up everything that happens after NWHS. I may incorporate things from new episodes into the story if they fit but this is pretty much going to be 100% AU. Also thank you for reading my story and please remember that constructive criticism, compliments, and suggestions are always welcomed.

****

As Wirt walked up to the sad little shack he could see why it was called a tourist trap. The typical characteristics of a trap is that they trick people into them and then keep them there against their will and Wirt honestly thinks that’s the only way this place can get any business. But Wirt isn’t here as a customer, so he guesses he really can’t judge. Wirt’s here for a job.

After Wirt and Greg almost died and went on a little trip into the unknown there parents felt a change of scenery would be a good idea. So they finished up the school year and that summer they packed up and moved to the little town of Gravity Falls. The first half of the summer went by pretty normally (of course Wirt hardly ever left the house so he wouldn’t even know if something weird had happened) but about halfway through the summer things changed.

The day started out like any other, Wirt was texting Sara much more than need be, but then things got weird. And weird doesn't mean a flock of unseasonal birds flew by, it means that gravity turned off. It happened minorly many times throughout the day with little to no consequence but, unfortunately, it didn’t stop at that. Towards the end of the day there was a very major gravity anomaly that lasted for several minutes. Entire trucks and houses were flying into the air, trees were being uprooted, and there was nothing to grab onto because everything, no matter the size, was floating. The several minutes of anti-gravity resulted in many destroyed homes, a lot of injures, damage that a week later people are still cleaning up, and a lot of questions that no one can answer.

But things went back to normal much sooner than Wirt would have ever expected it to. After a day of panic the citizens of Gravity Falls fell right back into their daily routines. The day it happened they treated it as they should have, they treated it as a disaster. But after a night of sleep they treated it as an annoyance. Wirt was still shaken from it but if everyone else was gonna be calm about it, so was he. He thought a job might help bring some normality back into his life, which is why he decide to take the babysitting job.

He was walking through town about three days after the gravity disaster when he came across an ad for a babysitting job. Well, ad’s the word that comes closest to describing what he saw. A piece of white printer paper was stapled to one of the few structures that was still standing and ‘babysit two kids and get paid minimum wage’ was crudely scribbled on the paper along with a phone number. So that night he called the number, said he wanted the job, and was hired on the spot. Which brings us to where Wirt is now, walking through the door of a crummy little trap that has suffered some major gravity damage.

Wirt expected to walk in and find an adult male looking nervous about leaving his two kids alone with a stranger and two kids on the verge of tears because there beloved guardian was about to leave them with a stranger. Instead Wirt walked in to find a girl about his age with long, bright red hair reading a magazine and lounging in a chair.

This leaves Wirt very confused and not really sure what to do. He’s about 110 percent sure that a teenage girl is not who he talked to on the phone yet she appears to be the only person in the room. The girl doesn't seem to notice him standing there so he clears his throat to let her know that she isn’t alone in the room.

She lifts her head and looks at him with a slightly surprised expression on her face. After a second of thought (Wirts guesses she was trying to figure out how long he’s been standing there) she says “Sorry dude but the Mystery Shack is closed till Monday. I’m just here to help clean up,” Wirt scoffs at that “but you should come back once we reopen. Monday night we’re having a party here to celebrate finally being all fixed up after all that gravity junk. You should stop by. It starts at 8 and goes all night.” and before Wirt can even begin to stutter out a response she’s reading her magazine again and completely ignoring him.

Although Wirt doesn’t really want to have to deal with her anymore because of her “I don’t care” attitude (also she seems really cool and that intimidates Wirt but he’ll never admit that) he decides that she’s his best bet for finding the guy that’s hiring so he decides to speak up “I’m actually not here as a customer. I’m here about a babysitting job. You wouldn’t happen to, i don’t know, know anything about that, would you?”

The girl, much to Wirts surprise, actually looked sad after he finished talking. She looked like the mere mention of the babysitting job pained her. But as upset as she looked about it she decided to help Wirt “Yea um, just go through that door” she pointed to a wooden door with a sign on it that said ‘employees only’ “and I’m pretty sure you’ll find Stan in there”

Well that seemed simple enough. Wirt turned to the girl with a slight smile and said “Thank you.”

She returned Wirts slight smile with one of her own and said “No problem.” then went right back to reading her magazine.

Wirt was ready for a teary family this time. He was ready for a guardian reluctant to leave and kids crying for their guardian to stay.  He was ready to walk in on an emotional family. But he was not ready to walk in and find an elderly man sitting in an armchair and watching tv while wearing nothing but a white tank top, striped boxers, and a pair of slippers. He, much like the the girl with the red hair, didn’t notice him enter and Wirt honestly had no clue what to do. He dosen't know if this elderly man is Stan or not and he doesn't know how to address someone who is half dressed.

 

He once again decides that the best course of action is to speak up instead of standing in silence like a creep. “Um. Excuse me but, you wouldn’t happen to be Stan, would you?”

The elderly man looked at him with a suspicious look on his face and said “Who’s askin’”

Wirt was rather taken aback and he still couldn’t tell if this was indeed Stan, the person he had spoke on the phone with, so he just went along with it “I’m, um, I’m Wirt. The person you spoke on the phone with. I’m here about the babysitting job.”

The old man looked confused but then he seem to realize what Wirt was talking about “Oh. So you’re the kid I talked to on the phone. Well then yea I’m Stan. Your first day isn’t actually today, it’s Monday. I just asked you here today so we could have ourselves a good old fashioned Q&A. So. Questions?”

Wirt was honestly pretty shocked. He was expecting to babysit today (considering on the phone Stan said this would be his first day and all.) and although he did have questions prepared, he had suddenly forgotten them all under the pressure of having  to remember. He actually did have some really good questions that were well thought through, but since he couldn’t remember any of them at the moment he decided to ask the more basic questions. “How old are they?”

“Both are twelve. Twins. How old are you?”

“Oh, um, 16. Genders?”

“One boy and one girl. Imma assume you’re male.”

“Yes. I’m a male” I’m gonna assume he’s asking because he’s progressive and not because he thinks I look like a girl, thought Wirt “What are the twins names?”

“The boy is Dipper. The girl is Mabel.”

“How are you related to them?”

“I’m their great uncle.”

Wirt really couldn’t think of anything else to ask so he decided to let Stan talk for a little while “Is there anything else I should know?”

Stan’s face turned slightly more serious after Wirt asked “Yea. Well as far as when you’ll work goes it’s gonna be pretty random. I’m gonna call you when I need you. You’ll work during the day sometimes and you’ll work during the night sometimes. It’ll just depend. Your hours will change to. Also I only have three rules but they are a very important three rules that must always, under all circumstances, be followed. One, they can go where they want in the house but if they leave the house they must be with you at all times. Two, They are never allowed to go into the forest, even if they are with you. Three, this one applies to Dipper especially, they are never allowed to touch these books and I don’t want you lookin’ at them either.” As he says rule number three he pulls out three books. They all look extremely old to Wirt and are filled with yellowing pages. Each book has a golden six fingered hand that seems to shine despite the old appearance of the rest of the book on the front and each hand either has a 1, 2, or 3 drawn on it.

All the rules made sense to Wirt except for the last one but who is he to disagree. He is just the babysitter. So instead of asking questions he just nods. Stan seems satisfied and turns to put the books away. He then turns back to Wirt and says “Well then I think we’re good. Any questions?” Wirt shakes his head “Then I’ll see you Monday at ten.” he sticks his hand out as he said the last part. Wirt shakes his hand and then turns and walks out the way he came.

As he walks out he sees the girl with the red hair, who is laughing at a larger man that is on the floor, laying his back, doing what Wirt could only reason is a turtle impersonation. Both of them are neglecting their work and neither of them notice him walk out. No one is this house seems to notice when people enter or exit.

By the time Wirt got home it was already evening. The town had been full of people who were either helping to clean up the mess or walking somewhere,  but they all seemed to have a sense of purpose. Everyone in this town always seems so sure of what they do, even though most of the things they do are idiotic, but that’s just Wirts opinion. As Wirt ate dinner that night he couldn’t help but worry. What if they don’t like me? What if they get hurt on my watch? What if I lose them? What if they won’t listen to me? The questions were racing through his mind. He was finally able to rid himself of the questions. All he had to do was think to himself, I was able to guide me and my brother through the unknown. I was able to get us back home. These kids can’t possibly dish out anything I can’t handle….Can they?


	2. Chapter 2

Monday came faster then Wirt really wanted it to and although he didn’t really need to wake up till nine, he got up at about six. He had dreams all night about terrible things happening while he was watching the kids. He woke up several times throughout the night because of the dreams but since they weren’t to bad he just kept brushing them off and going back to sleep. The dream that woke him up around six was by far the worse, it was the only dream Wirt felt really crossed over into nightmare territory.

Dipper and Mabel were playing in the yard behind the mystery shack with Greg. Greg was wearing the same outfit he wore in the unknown (which unnerved Wirt greatly) and Dipper and Mabel took the form of black blobs that were shaped like a person. The blob that was Dipper had a large blue pine tree on its chest and the blob that was Mabel had a shooting star on its chest. Wirt didn’t know how his dream self knew that the pine tree meant Dipper and the Shooting star meant Mabel. He just did.

Wirt was watching them and all was fine when suddenly Dipper stood and sprinted into the woods. Wirt began to chase after him and he got to the edge of the woods when the entire forest erupted into flames. The fire seemed to be restricted to just the woods and although Wirt was several yards away from the fire the red flames were so hot Wirt could practically feel his flesh melting off.

Wirt turned around, prepared to sprint to the house and call for help, but didn’t even get the chance to take off before he froze. As soon as he turned around he was greeted by the sight of the dead bodies of Greg and Mabel. They laid limp in a pool of blood so dark it was nearly black. Wirt didn’t even think two bodies of that size could produce that much blood. Wirt was sure he was going to throw up, and he almost did, but he was stopped when he heard Dippers scream from within the forest. Wirt hasn’t heard Dippers voice even once but he knew that it was Dipper and gosh he sounded like he was in a lot of pain.

Wirt didn’t know what to do. He was breathing heavily and his brother was dead and the forest was on fire and he felt like he was on fire and he felt on the verge of death, but then the world went dark. He was surrounded by total darkness, but only for a moment. A soft blue light overcame the dark. The light warmed him but not in the painful way the fire did. It warmed him in the way a blanket cocoon warms you on a snowy winter night. As soon as Wirt once again felt at peace and comfortable a strange voice surrounded him and said “The journals cause pain.” as soon as the voice said that Wirt once again felt the extreme pain from earlier and he began to scream. Wirt was writhing and begging for the pain to stop and at the exact moment the voice spoke again, it did. “I can take the pain away.” and after the voice finished it’s sentence Wirt jerked awake. Wirt rolled over so he could look at his alarm clock and saw that it was only six. As tired as Wirt was he didn’t want to go back to sleep.

Soon after Wirt woke up and realized that he wasn’t gonna be getting anymore sleep he became very aware of the fact that he was covered in sweat. He smelled horrible, felt sticky, and frankly he was disgusted with himself so he decided that a shower was much needed. After about an hour in the shower he realized that he can wash the sweat off of him but he can’t wash away the dream and got out. After the shower he went about all his regular morning activities and got dressed. He made himself pancakes and ate but even after he was done with everything he still had about an hour and a half before he needed to leave.

It’s now about 8:30 and Wirt still has an hour to waste. He doesn't really want to think about the dream so he grabs the newest edition of ‘Chez Magnifique’,his favorite interior design magazine, and catches up on the latest in bathroom designs. At about 9:00 Greg comes downstairs so that he can watch his usual morning cartoons. Wirt is really invested in an article about ten different ways to make your toilet more appealing so he doesn't notice Greg enter.

Once Greg notices Wirt sitting in front of the television he gets very excited and gasps. “Wirt!” Greg exclaims “Are you here to watch my cartoons with me?”

Wirt jerks his head up in surprise to find a positively ecstatic Greg mere inches away from his face. He looks so excited it breaks Wirts heart having to tell him the truth about why he can’t watch cartoons with him. “Sorry Greg but I’m just waiting till it’s time for me to leave. At 9:30 I have to go.”

Greg blinks at him “Why?”

Wirt sighs “Because Greg I just got that babysitting job and today’s my first day. My shift starts at ten and I want to get there a little early.”

“Why?”

“Because that’s what good employees do.”

“How so?”

Wirt was really starting to get annoyed “Because Greg-” he doesn't even get to finish his response before Greg cuts him off. “You’re babysitting!? Can I come with you? Please oh please Wirt!”

That last statement makes Wirt freeze. He saw his brother's dead body at the Mystery Shack. It was just a dream and Wirt knows that but it felt so real and just the idea of taking Greg there. Wirts gonna do everything in his power to make sure Greg never goes there. “Sorry Greg but today being my first day and all….maybe another time?”

Wirt doesn’t sound convincing and he knows it. Greg looks sad for about a millisecond before he’s smiling again “That’s okay Wirt. The last episode of ‘Dragon Town’ ended on a cliffhanger anyway. I don’t want to miss what happens Doragon Dragon!” and with that Greg turns on the tv, sits in front of the couch with his bowl of cereal, and begins to rewatch last weeks episode of ‘Dragon Town’ before the new one comes on.

Wirt stays in the living room with Greg and watches tv with him until 9:30 arrives. When it comes time to leave Wirt walks to the door and slings the babysitting bag he made the night before over his shoulder. The bag is filled with crayons, coloring books, and stuffed animals because he’s pretty sure that’s what twelve year olds like. As he walks out the door Greg reminds him to eat lunch and he thanks Greg for the reminder. Wirt takes a deep breath and on slightly shaky legs he starts towards the mystery shack.

Wirt arrives at the Mystery Shack about ten minutes early and sees a long line of people waiting outside of the entrance. Wirt guesses that they’re waiting for the shack to open and he once again wonders how this place can get any business. Wirt decides to avoid the crowd and go in throw the gift shop entry like last time.

When he reaches the door and tries to open it he finds it’s locked and has to resort to knocking. After several minutes of knocking, the girl with the red hair looks through the glass of the door with an extremely annoyed look on her face. Once she sees it’s Wirt she smiles a little and opens the door for him. With as sad as she looked about the babysitting job when he was last here Wirt’s surprised that she smiles at him. He guess he looks as nervous as he feels.

He follows the red headed girl into the gift shop and she begins to lead him to the living room. They stop outside the room and she points her head towards the door and says “They’re in there.”

She begins to walk away before Wirt speaks up “Excuse me but I don’t think we ever actually did exchange names.”

She turns around with a surprised look on her face and then she chuckles “Oh yea dude. You’re right. I can’t believe I forgot. My names Wendy.”

Wirt expects her to stick out her hand but when she dosen’t Wirt decides to just go along with it and smiles at her “Wirt. I’m Wirt.”

She smiles back at him and says “Good luck in there dude. You’re gonna need it.” before walking away.

**  
**That last thing she said did nothing to help with Wirts nerves but walking into the room and starting his new (and first) job isn’t exactly something he can put off. So with a big breath and a lot of mental prepping he opens the door and walks into a job that he can’t help but feel is going to be one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get ready. Things actually start happening in the next chapter.


End file.
